Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Why Almost Everything Gives Me Anxiety

So I think I've figured out that people who have crushes on me give me severe anxiety. And it's kind of funny because Whippersnapper and I had a conversation about this a really long time ago and it's not that I didn't believe her, but I'd just never felt that way. Until guys started wondering if we should go past "super good friends" and into "boyfriend/girlfriend". The first problem with this is that I'm absolutely terrible at being a girl in general, so being a girlfriend is like Armageddon. Things don't seem too bad in the beginning, everyone's happy and all's well. But then they want to touch me.

NO not molest me, but like hug me and put their arms around me and I am nobody's thing to be owned, so maybe that's why I hate to be touched, but anyways, it starts creeping me out. And I feel bad shrugging them off or stiffening up, but it's just what I do. And it's funny when they do it just to piss me off, but when they do it affectionately and lovingly, I'd rather swallow glass shards. I'm not saying I hate touch, but I'm just not a super open and touchy-feely kind of person.

Now you may be wondering why this is a problem, well, I'm getting to that. See, all of my boyfriends (all TWO of them) were both very affectionate people. They didn't realize that I wasn't. This created problems. This was much more of a problem with Boyfriend 1 than with Octodad, because I was very happy in my relationship with Octodad whereas with Boyfriend 1, I felt smothered. Still though, affection and I just don't get each other.

On top of my lack of feminine dependency, I'm really bad at expressing my feelings. I also don't feel the need to celebrate anniversaries every month. Like sure, maybe you can bring it up, but I don't wanna get together and throw a party. And a month is as little as I will go. 6 mo.- 1 yr., now that I could understand celebrating. There's nothing I hate more than people that celebrate weeks. Goddamned weeks! Honestly, calm the fuck down, you don't even know this person! And then there's the people who say "I love you" after like three days of dating. I want to punch these people until they bleed and then some. And then maybe some more. But that's not the point, the point is that you can't love someone you barely know. I think it takes at least 6 months and more to really understand someone enough to even think about how much you really care. But hey, then again, I'm the girl that ends up being the boyfriend in the relationship.

Now that my rant's done, I can talk about normal things. LIKE BEACH YOGA...AND CAKE. Cake is nice. Beach yoga is awesome. SAND IS FUCKING EVIL. It's all like "hehe I'm going to get in every single crevice on your body and there's nothing you can do about it bitch!!!"

You know what's nice? Free things. Especially samples, samples of things that are usually $250 and are now free-ish, except they send you pointless emails afterwards, but you can unsubscribe and still get free stuff. Although I'm talking about actual free things, not that "complete 13 trial offers" shit. Which just gets you signed up for every kind of spam known to man and then some.

I just wanted to throw a quick update at you guys, because with all the vacations, I haven't been home all too much and I hate hogging laptops that aren't mine. Unless I'm at home of course ;). But I'll be giving a LARGE post before the week ends telling you guys all about my crazy Oregon tales and how I probably got hit by a tram car in Wildwood. So until then, see you!