Saturday, June 4, 2011


GAAAAHHH so there WAS another post here but the site was freaking out like FHQWHGADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I was like I NEED TO GO WATCH TEEN GIRL SQUAD. So instead of trying to adapt the byte and pixelation of the site I spent a good hour reliving my childhood. It was gts. 

BUT now I feel I kinda have to write to make up for that post that disappeared into the interwebz world of communism. DON"T ASK, just trust me. I'll save you from all the evil pirates and ninjas that say they're my friends and then punch me in the arm...but then they give me apple juice WHICH IS THE JUICE OF GODS and all is well. So on second thought, maybe I'll give you to them as a present because my tummy has the rumblies that only hands can satisfy! ....Come to think of it, I'm just going to eat your hands. I really hope you don't need them.

So HI EVERYBODY!! HI DOCTOR NICK! That was a Simpson's reference. 

Anyways I'm feeling pretty darn chill cause I'm GOING OUTSIDE!!!!!! .....tomorrow! If this is the first post you're reading then let me fill you in. I enjoy eating bread. Unfortunately bread makes you fat. So because I love bread too much, I've decided that I'm just never going to go outside again. BUT V and I are headed to the malls tomorrow and I'll probably just buy some bread whilst I'm there, so no worries. And on occasion I don't eat my bread in proper portions so we run out and then I have to get fat the old fashioned way. NOT COOL. 

So we currently have Dead Rising 2 at our house right now and I'm pretty sure killing zombies has never been so fun since Dead Rising 1. Especially the Spike Bat. You can kill EVERYTHING with it! It's such a multipurpose weapon. And it's so fun combining tools to make Knife Gloves or Flamethrowers or Rocket Launchers. SO MUCH BLOOD AND GORE AND DEATH. YAY! 

But not the point. The point is that it's only okay to kill people like this if they're  zombies, because then technically, it's not murder. There are only 2 exceptions to this rule. 1: if they're just REALLY and I mean god-forsaken annoying, then it's totally okay to kill them like they're zombies. You can even get creative and close your eyes and pretend they're zombies! And exception #2: if you're Repoman. Because let's face it, if you're a blood thirsty Anthony Stewart Head AND you're going to sing in the process, you can do whatever the hell you want!

Now to get away from blood and gore and death, let's talk about TIN MAN!! Tin Man is an evil person who, you guessed it: wears TIN. He also resembles Jason a little with his hockey mask and finger blades. But he's pretty chill. All he wants is to damn us all for our sins NBD. 

You know who I'd call? MEGAMAN because he's a BOSS. Not literally though, because as Megaman, you're purpose is to defeat bosses. 

I really wish I had muffin hands. I mean sure it'd be difficult to type or write or do anything useful, but I'd NEVER be hungry! Because the benefit of having baked goods for hands? THEY REGENERATE! Yeah! So you'd be the proud owner of muffin hands...FOREVER. And yeah you'd get some weird looks and people would think you're a freak and just maybe a cannibal, especially considering the fact that you're, you know, eating your hands. But hey, who needs to care what people think when you have MUFFIN HANDS?! 
You know what would be  better than muffin hands? CAKE HANDS. 

So I've been thinking lately and I've decided that as terrible as it sounds I'd like to wish you all a Happy Good Friday!!!! Despite the fact of the rather horrid associations with this day, it's nonetheless a Friday and who doesn't love Fridays? Especially after the devil's own spawn Rebecca Black came our with the most ingenious song ever, Friday. You ever notice how on Good Friday it's NEVER sunny or nice and all la-dee-dah fantastic? I think that kinda sucks. Mostly because not everyone in the world is Catholic/Christian and maybe they wanted to have a picnic today and it's all Doom and Gloom and all. I'd personally be kinda pissed. 
But that's a story for another day. Today I decided that I'm offically making my brother make me food for the rest of my life. Despite the fact that he can only cook all of three things, I'm pretty sure I'm okay with that. Those three things being: pizza, pork roll and cereal. I'm pretty sure I could survive off a diet like that. 
So today I went to go to deliver the misdelivered mail that the mail man screwed up on to my neighbor's house and the moment I stepped outside the Ice Cream man decided to speed down my street and almost kill me. Gee thanks Mr. Softy, I USED TO LOVE YOU. This isn't a Guns N' Roses song, you know? Just because you USED to love me doesn't at all mean that you HAVE to kill me.

By the way, everytime that I've tried to eat fruit in the past two weeks, it's tried to commit suicide on me and I'm starting to get really depressed about it. Like what is it about my stomach that's so horrible? You'd figure I'd be like God to fruit or something because I'm reuniting them with all their fruity friends! I think I'm going to have to go into Relationship Counseling with my Apples. 

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