Saturday, June 4, 2011


Holy flippin bejezus waffle pants!?! ...God now I'm hungry. AH NO STAY ON TOPIC. Okay, so *drum roll* HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHIPPERSNAPPER!!! Ah okay I can relax now that I got that out. So today our beloved Whippersnapper turns the magical age of 3...I mean 16. So today, in honor of said 'Snapper, we are going to take a magical journey to see how Whippersnapper and I came to be. Ahh the memories. It brings back smiles and then anger and then some more smiles. 

As we all know Whippersnapper is my amazing friend who I was so lucky to become friends with this year. And if you didn't know that, well, now you do. So like I said, let's go back to the beginning. So to do this you get to hear a little more history on me which is boring so you can skip right through if you want, but don't blame me if you miss some sweet jokes along the way. 

So all about me, ugh god now I know I failed at this on the "About Me" page so we're just going to summarize this quickly. So hi, um yeah. I've been getting chronic migraines for reasons unknown since the middle of last August. Now this isn't exactly a GINORMOUS problem it's just a little hitch in the road. Or it would be if I didn't have some freaky mutation ON MY BRAIN. No I don't have cancer, and come to think of it there really isn't any freaky things on my brain, like death or something. But problem is they never go away...EVER. So little ol' me has been dealing with this for about 6 months. How you ask? Now here's where I stop talking about me.

So on the first day of Sophomore year (suck it freshman!) <---this is me being "sophomoric". Anyways the first day comes the always dreaded block/period of Lunch. Now this is actually the thing I look most forward to in my days, since you know, if I could marry food I would. Not the point, point is no one so far was in my lunch. So I mozy on down to the cafeteria and immediately spot my friend (who will also not be named) Popcorn. So I run over and I'm like "POPCORN YOU'VE SAVED ME!" Now I must give some major thanks to Popcorn as well for she has been a major help as well in my struggle and also for introducing me to this person we call Whippersnapper.

So suddenly this ginger walks up and apparently is a friend of Popcorn's. Now I had about two goals this year. Make some new friends. Make sure one of those friends is a ginger. This girl was killing two dolls with one spear. So we sit down and I'm like "Ginger I love your hair because it is curly and ginger-like" and she is like "I love your wrist band because it is of the drummer of my cousin's favorite band and he is awesome therefore you must be awesome as well, by the way I am Whippersnapper." (Obviously she told me her real name, but you get my point.) So from then on we were a match made in friendship heaven. Aaaaaaauuuuuuuuhhhh (angelic choir? probably not the way you read it.) 

So greatness: Whippersnapper is not only in my lunch, but she is in my biology and has the same block gym and I do. Problem: I was sick, A LOT because of these migraines, so I was NEVER in school. Therefore Whippersnapper and I didn't see much of each other. But then I slowly returned to an almost regular school basis. So Whippersnapper and I grew close. I introduced her to Avenged Sevenfold and she introduced me to being Awesome, with a capital "a". 

Whippersnapper and Popcorn have been there for me since the beginning of all this and there's no one I can ever thank more for the support. See Whippersnapper and I just get each other like Morgan Freeman knows voice overs. She's basically my other half. She cheers me up when even my headaches are horrible with classic "Voldemort must be near" jokes (I usually grab my forehead and make some pain sounds when they're real bad). 

All in all she amazing and you should all aspire to be her one day.

Now here's the next great part. Coming to stores near you soon is the magnificent book "The Magical Adventures of Whippersnapper and Mr. T" This is a hand drawn book by me that was a birthday gift to Whippersnapper. I will be including the title page in my pictures section if you wanted to check it out. 
Now I realize you are going to have some questions when you see this cover. One may be "WHY THE HELL IS THERE A TURTLE HERE?!" Now dear reader, the reason why is because when I came up with the pseudonym Whippersnapper for my friend, I imagined her as a turtle. I don't know why and I certainly don't care because it just works. As for Mr. T, well I know that's who I'd wanna bring on an adventure. 
No that's not true. I'd want to bring Whippersnapper of course. But anyways, so Whippersnapper has accompanied me  to all things awesome, such as the infamous 'Nightmare After Christmas' tour. She's fallen into the same love that I have for Avenged Sevenfold, which makes her freaking amazinger than all of you. No offense. So I hope everyone wishes Whippersnapper an amazing birthday and I hope you enjoy this because today is your special day. 

Remember when parents used to say that? It sounds like something you say to a baby not a 7 year old. But whatever you say mom, just give me the cake and it will all be fine. BITCH GIVE ME THE CAKE. This is the beginning of my random rant. 

So have you ever noticed that rain hurts when the wind blows real hard? God it's like freakin HAIL. If you've never felt hail have a friend take a handful of mini m&ms and peg them at you all at once. Yeah, have fun with that experiment kids.

Speaking of experiments what if cake could be a bread! I mean like I know it's a BREAD but I mean what if there was CAKE BREAD. That'd be AWESOME. I'd buy some. You know what's it's fun to do? Throw things at people. Especially people you don't know. Or to you know scream random things in the halls like "BANANAS!" And then calmly walk into a classroom while everyone else is confused.
You know what the food of gods is? Chik Fil A. That's where it's at man. You know what it's fun to say when you're being dramatic? It's about to go down. 

You know what rhymes with Nazis? Yahtzee, the fun children's game, which is ironic because Nazis aren't child friendly or a game with dice. Although I bet they gambled. Do you wanna know what the most embarrassing thing you can do to your friends is? Wait until after you've been dragged into a stupid romance movie then go out into the lobby, pick up the Time Crisis guns and start pointing at random strangers with the most ninja like face you can achieve and go "pew pew pew!" I can guarantee your friends will leave the theater without you. And that's the end of the random rant. I hope you enjoyed it and if your speakers aren't on, turn them on for a surprise. 

Over and out, this is Jess. 

Oh and just a quick note, today is sadly the last day of "Aren't we supposed to run away from explosions?!" February :'( But fear not! Some other random quote shall be up and ruling our lives by tomorrow
Also check out the videos section for a clip of me singing and to just see who I am in general. I can guarantee you've already guessed super awkward though so yeah. And the pixelation will improve as the video is more processed since I just put it up but not like you need to see my face or anything. Umm ignore my freakishly blank walls, I'm redecorating and uhh yeah enjoy? I hope so.  

Oohh okay last thing, I promise, this is like my third or fourth edit in, but if you haven't already, check out the links page to get some neat places to check out every now and again. 

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