Saturday, June 4, 2011



So sorry that I up and died for like forever, it happens sometimes. BUT because I died I totally have super awesome fantastical stories and whatnot. Pineapple is a really great fruit you know? It's all delicious and amazing and moist. Does that word bother you? It bothers some people and because it bothers them I make sure to use it extremely often. MOOOOIIIIISSSSTTT. That's what cows should say.

PUNCTUATION!!!!!!! GEERRRAAAAHHH soo yeah that was me expressing my love of punctuation. Not really. See grammar and I used to get along until I got lazy and decided that more letters = better words and grammar was like NOT SO FAST YOUNG ONE and I was like "SHUT UP I HATE YOU GO DIE" aaaand then three weeks later guess who was curled up in the fetal position begging grammar to come back into my life. "I'M SO SORRY!" See that would have looked more meaningful had I been allowed to use and excess of "o"s and exclamation points.

I love my brother. He is awesome. I drew a picture of us, it is under the photo section. Except in real life I have hair and we actually wear clothes...sometimes. Just kidding that'd be really weird. That's the other reason grammar doesn't like me. I tend to make any word into a contraction when I fell it is necessary and grammar doesn't like that. Grammar is all like "Next's is NOT a word." And I'm like "YOU'RE NOT A WORD!!!" And then we get into a fight which usually ends up with me dying. Seriously grammar is violent.
So recently my bones have been popping and I don't really think that's healthy so whenever they crack I proceed to go "OH GOD I'M DYING!" And then my whole family rushes in and beats me because I'm not really dying and they don't appreciate the fact that I'm a 90 year old woman in a 16 year old's body. Yeah, so you can see how this works. One day I'm just going to sag over and start saying things like "sassafras" WHICH BY THE WAY I plan on bringing that word back.

Speaking of my brother, I drew you another picture depicting how deprived of love I am. He refuses to hug me. It's horrible. Which is funny because I almost hate when people try to hug me. 

The kid in the house in back of us really needs to go be Jayden Smith somewhere else. 

So like I was saying Sassafras is officially coming back into the 2011 language. Right along with whippersnapper and gadzooks.   

So like I was saying everything is chill and awesome and guess who's had a random infatuation with Weezer recently? ME. And it's not that I've never heard of Weezer but they have been randomly placed on a playlist that my computer made without telling me. But it's okay but this playlist is freakin awesome and it makes me wanna dance. So I did. But then everyone was like "not like that..." and I was like "SAD FACE". That was a Mike B. joke if you didn't get it. He's my hero. Legitimately. Like if I had to be stuck on an island with only one other person it'd be Megaman because he could get us the waffle out of there so that I could go meet Mike.

Megaman is really awesome you know? Like he can do ANYTHING because he's MEGAMAN. I feel like his name should always be in caps. SASSAFRAS. because you know then everyone would be like whoa.

In short I really can't stay on topic.

People think I have ADD but I only have OCD so joke's on them! Also I've decided that all I want for my next birthday is "Where's Waldo" books. 

AHHHHHHHHH okay I see how it is pineapples. One minute you're all delicious and amazing and MOIST and the next thing I know YOU'RE BURNING MY TONGUE WITH MOIST ACID!!!! I can't believe you would do this to me pineapple. How could you? I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today my brother told me my shirt was made of curtain and I responded "Maybe the curtain's made out of my shirt!" And then he wanted to know why I was yelling and then he threatened to steal my ice cream and then I fell asleep. I woke up really confused. Not cool.

So have you ever had that awkward moment when you laugh at something really funny from three days ago at the most awkward moment possible? Yeah that basically defines my life. And then people have the nerve to call me insensitive. LOOK just because I remembered that drawing with the homeless pirate one toothed peg legged guy and that homeless cancer patient does NOT mean that I was laughing at your mother's funeral ON PURPOSE. GOSH. 

Soooo maybe that wasn't the BEST example, but it's what came to mind. Did you know that if you put a spoon on a vampire's nose they'll EXPLODE?!?! I didn't. And I'm sad because that is very important information. Forget mace, get me some spoons.

I've realized that Jacob from Twilight is very stupid. All he has to do is take Bella and put her in some woods for awhile and while she's lost trying to find her way home he can put a spoon on Edward's nose and the rest of that family (minus Jasper cause he's a boss) and then three weeks later when he remembers about her he can be like "It was a total accident. Some Vampire Nazi's came over and dropped a crate of spoons on their house and the majority of them died!" 


And then they would live happily ever after until one day Jacob realizes how annoying and monotonous and fickle she is and decides to eat her. The end.

The reason I say Jasper's a boss is mostly because all he does is make some freak face throughout the entire movie and say some extremely awkward phrases, try to eat Bella (he's obviously the smartest) and then pose like a pedo for the rest of the movie. Sounds pretty boss to me.

Speaking of pedophiles they're no joke. Seriously though, watch out, they're EVERYWHERE. 

And now that we're done with seriousness I can recite to you all 27 Amendments:

One: Freedoms
Two: Guns
Three: Crowded houses
Four: Drugs
Five: Guiltyness
Six: Speedy Gonzalez
Seven: Lucky
Eight: Cannibals
Nine: Rhymes
Ten: Rights
Eleven: Sue Us
Twelve: Separation
Thirteen: Slavery Abolished
Fourteen: Foreignteen
Fifteen: Voting
Sixteen: Taxes
Seventeen: Senators
Eighteen: Original Hobos
Nineteen: Women
Twenty: Jan. 20
Twenty One: Still Hobos
Twenty Two: Two Terms
Twenty Three: D.C. Totes Cheats
Twenty Four: Christmas
Twenty Five:  Caring is Sharing
Twenty Six: Voting
Twenty Seven: Terms

As you've probably guessed: ONE of those is wrong and I'm not telling you which one is it. I WILL however tell you which one it isn't and that my friends is the Cannibalism one.

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