Saturday, June 25, 2011

Restraining Order

So have you ever wondered what it's like to be the person whom a really popular and catchy song is about? I hadn't until last night when, after listening to a cover of "Grenade" by my favorite cover band Karmin, I was like "I wonder how this girl feels about this song and if this is even how it really happened..." Which got me thinking, I could make a parody writing the girl's feelings to Bruno Mars. And so "Restraining Order" came to life. Considering I wrote it at like 12:30 in the morning, it sounded a bit weird, but after a few times of singing it I'm pretty damn proud. Plus I fit the word "rape-y" in there. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!? Anyways, I just thought I'd let you guys know and in a few weeks, if all goes well with song editing and progress, there will be an official music video for "Restraining Order" and it will be awesome.

But really, I kind of imagine the first time she heard it being like, "Dammit! He said he was going to let it go!!" And for another thing, how about Rihanna's "Only Girl In The World"? If a guy wrote that, there'd be something very wrong with him, but since RIHANNA wrote it, it's obviously musical gold. Oh wait...

Not to be in ANY way at all in Chris Brown's defense for what he did to Rihanna, because that was obviously completely wrong and NOT okay. BUT he did treat her like the only girl in the world. And since there was only ONE girl, he was bound to have so much pent up rage that he couldn't take out on random hookers that didn't matter, his actions were forced upon her. NOT RAPE.

So guess who's leaving in two days!?!? ME. Guess who's super excited!? ME. Guess who has rabies?! ME!....wait, no I don't!!! I swear! But I'm excited one, because this is my first plane ride since 6th grade, and I love planes, so this is going to be awesome. Second, I got window seats on every single one of my flights SCORE. And finally in an unrelated but totally awesome anyway note, there is a ninth season of RVB and it's AWESOME. There's only two episodes, but every Monday I will be waiting eagerly for the next installment.

You'd figure there's something wrong with a 16 year old girl to do nothing but sit at the computer in anticipation for an episode of guys in their 30s voicing over a game of Halo Reach. ....I'M NOT UGLY I SWEAR!! Video games and nerdy stuff like machinima is sexy, right? RIGHT?!?!! Which is another point in why I've only ever had two whole boyfriends in the history of my entire life. Nice.

So some weird things I notice:

I WILL notice if you have really soft and plush-y toilet paper. I don't know why, but I find that to be the greatest. If you have super soft toilet paper, you're obviously going to find a cure for Ebola Aids.

That being said, I will NOT notice if you don't have super nice toilet paper. Mostly because at my house, we don't because we're poor and cheap.

1. At the shore house in Sea Isle that my whole family has, the family that doesn't live there in the summer, leaves really nice quilted super soft toilet paper. I proceeded to wash my hands and run out of the bathroom with the roll in my hands and shoving it in everyone's face going "FEEL HOW SOFT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!"

2. My cousin's house where I babysit. I proceeded to tell the kids I was babysitting the importance of really soft toilet paper. You probably didn't need to know that.

3. Octodad's house. Octodad is my ex-boyfriend, but we're still good friends. He was boyfriend 2. Anyways, the first time I go over Octodad's house (and the only time I've ever been there) I had to go to the bathroom halfway through our kind of date/hanging out. Once in the bathroom I noticed that they had REALLY soft toilet paper. That being said, I REALLY liked Octodad and did not want him to think I was a freak who was obsessed with really soft toilet paper. So instead of running down the stairs and screaming "YOUR TOILET PAPER IS SO SOFT!" as I normally would, I walked down sulkily and fidgeted around, trying to fight the voice screaming in my head to proclaim the glory of that soft toilet paper. I really have problems.

You may be wondering why I call boyfriend 2 Octodad. This goes back to this past December. When I went for an early eye exam to see if it was the cause of my migraines, I had an eye ultrasound. Apparently my eyes were having twins. HOW COULD I NOT HAVE KNOWN?!??! Anyways, that's not the point. The point is, that a few weeks later Octodad went for his eye exam and we found out that he was having octuplets. Hence, how he became known to me as Octodad.

Boyfriend 2 and I could have worked out if I wasn't bad at relationships, but alas, we are now just friends. Which is cool and all because he's a great person and really fun to talk to. I'm very good at friendships. But relationships, with FEELINGS, I'm like a drunken baby driving a Tonka Truck straight into the oven. Because when things that involve feelings come into my life something like this happens:

"hey this is pretty nice...feelings...not sure how I feel about this...this is getting weird...GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!"

This usually has nothing to do with the other person, except for boyfriend 1, it kind of had to do with him. But I don't know, I'm not good with girl things and that means feelings and emotions and all that gooey sappy stuff that I like to stab every day with a butcher knife and then laugh as their feeble and dying bodies shrivel up and turn to ashes.....Okay that was more graphic than I intended, but you get my point.

So that's about it for now. I'll keep you updated on whether I die or not during my flight, hopefully Samuel L. Jackson will just fly in and save me though. And I'll keep you updated on "Restraining Order"s progress. I hope you guys are having a great summer.

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